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federica
24 June 2013 @ 04:22 pm

Somehow, some way...I'm going to figure it out. It may not be how I think its going to be...but I'm going to make it in this world. I'll find purpose, I'll fall in love, I'll find peace, my soul will levitate at the sound of sweet musical artistry, I will enjoy carbohydrates as a rare jem, I will thank God for beauty in things around me that are taken for granted, and I will learn to love passionately.

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Current Location: Italy, Rome
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Lover's Spit
 
 
 
federica
16 May 2011 @ 12:53 pm
 I would like to dedicate "Dear Mr. President" by Pink to my Country that is increasingly losing its own conscience and identity due to the current political class that doesn't care about the consequences. Then these are exactly the questions that I would like to ask our Prime Minister.





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Current Location: work
Current Mood: worriedworried
 
 
federica
11 May 2011 @ 03:32 pm



The reason why I immediately loved Queer as Folk is the fact that while relying on a reality that mostly belonged to gay community I never felt pushed aside, on the contrary I've always found within each episode a "place" where to identify myself exactly the way I am, a human being with no distinction of race nor gender, a "place" made of the same issues, same problems, same joys and even same sorrows of any other person who fights every day for what believes in.

For the first time in my life I have not felt alone in this world becoming part of something bigger than my individual perception of life.

These thoughts of mine arise after reading once again "That Happy Feeling" by [info]rizabeau  who I personally thank with all my heart for having written such a beauty, so full of life and love and makes me even more certain that Queer as Folk not only opened a door on the world, but also has given to each of us a place where we feel safe to share thoughts, emotions, even fears following a path that is definitely not easy but at the same time common because so it is the goal: living happily ours lives.
 
 
Current Location: my life
Current Mood: accomplished
 
 
federica
24 January 2011 @ 11:02 pm
I remember a long time ago when I was 6 years old and you were almost 5. How many summer holidays spent together, laughing in the back yard and sitting in that very tiny baby pool waiting for someone to take us to the beach, screaming just to bother ours brothers and crying for real when they ran after us to have their revenge.

Although you had your brothers and I had mine, growing up with you was the most natural thing to me, not to mention that we were absolutely positive to talk to each other about everything we were experiencing or whatever life had planned for us.

And when the time for the first kiss and first crush came you were the only one I want to tell, and when I shown up at your house with my eyes full of tears and my heart ripped in so many pieces you did not say a word while your parents kept asking me if I was OK, and I still remember the scene so well, you still in silence just opened your arms where I desperately needed to land to. That was the moment I knew I would have you for the rest of my life. I was so naive.

I died a little inside the day your mom proudly told me you decided, just like your two older brothers, to join the army cause you always wanted help people, be part of something good, be there ready and fearless on the line in a foreign Country which did not give a fucking shit about any of you, young men and somehow still kids, so faraway from home with not a clue about life yet.

So your mom clearly excited, left me there and I was shocked I couldn't think straight and the last thing I remember I was running away from your house and your voice behind me calling my name was increasingly distant. The more I run the more I wanted to forget every single word you told me during our childhood: "...I can’t stand the possibility to hurt you, and that’s the reason I’ll say the truth. You always will have the truth from me, no matter how hard and cruel it would be... I promise you I’ll never leave you". But you lied to me. Regardless my stupid heart, you lied to me even if you were aware the way I always felt about lies, the way my mother always lied to me. How could you lie to me? How long did you plan to join the army? Would you ever have said to me you want to leave? I hated you so much that night.

When you came back home,two months later, things were pretty awkward between us, but it took just a smile to let me fall in your hug which I missed the most. We went in the back yard to catch up, and talked all night long like old times when I had a secret to tell you. I told you about this guy I was dating who started asking me for more but I was not ready yet to do it. Then you caressed me and said that I was a delicate and passionate soul and was lucky the guy who would have seen that side of me otherwise I was not for sale. I loved you so much that night.

Then you told me with sad eyes that you started to feel that becoming a doctor was no longer enough for you, that you wanted to be where people were fighting for their own survival and maybe try to be a real help for them so you would have caught the call of the army anytime you could.
Your only fear was to loose me for good but I smiled to you because I knew this world was lucky to have you.
That night I made you promised me that you always would have came back to me and I did not care less about anything or anyone as long as you stayed safe. You kept your promise: every time you left you always came back. I was so proud of you.

Now I know that to die it’s not necessary to go to war and be so far from home. It just takes a shitty rainy day. It was not even dark outside when you were in your car on your way to home at 5 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

The only thing left to me is a dream I had the night you died, one of those dream hardly will be remembered the morning after still I woke up at 4 a.m. with a hand on my mouth and breath hold screaming your name. In the afternoon your mom called to drop the news. It was pouring outside, over 20 days without a damned break just like the day you’re gone with the only difference that was the day I would never have see you again.

Days are tough to pass by without you and strong is the guilt I constantly feel inside for every moment I wasted to stay mad at you and far from you. Nothing makes any sense to me right now and I wonder if it ever will.

I love you so much and I’ll be waiting for the day I’ll see you again.
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Current Location: my memories
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Transit- Parm Dhami Tribute
 
 
 
federica
02 January 2011 @ 01:09 am
Here we are, welcome 2011.

It seems you are a leap year and, according to some popular traditions, you carry a lot of bad luck with you.
Well I've something to say about that: fuck to bad luck and fuck to whoever believes in that shit!

I'm a human being. I breath and think, I make mistakes sometimes but I always try to fix them and learn from them, I suffer and cry but I care and love and most of all I live every day at the best I can and probably it's not even that much but it's the only way I know and, sure as hell, there's no room here for any bad luck.

To all my friends, close and far, I wish with all my heart a shining new year. To my dear and beloved cousin, my best friend, who recently and tragically passed away, I wanna say that I miss him every day so much that my heart is going to explode and the pain seems to be unbearable now though I know it will fade away somehow. I hope he sees me now wherever he is and be proud of me.

Peace and love,

Federica
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Current Location: my mind
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
federica
 
 
Current Location: home
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: John Lennon - Happy Christmas
 
 
federica
10 December 2010 @ 10:16 pm
I don't get it. I really don't.

Every time a Brian&Justin's dead fic come up my mind freezes and I'm immediately overwhelmed by 2 feelings: the first one is the pain for the guys imaging the moment one is going to loose the other, which was the case of "I want you to know", a very beautiful and sad story; the second one is the temptation not to miss the story wondering "What if is this fic a very good one? What if is worth the tears?", which was the case of "Apollo's end". That was something sublime in all its deep sadness and was the only dead fic I will never regret having read.

The point is either I read the story or not there's no way out because that feeling of angst which makes impossible to think straight has always the best of me at least for 2 days.

Now after I've read another one, which unfortunately was for shit, sitting on my bed smoking a cigarette and wiped my tears away, I keep asking me "Really? What's wrong with me? How many tears do I have cry yet? When will I learn to skip them choosing something less tough for my heart?"

Yeah, right my heart. Actually that's the problem. Is the one of the few side effects of loving Queer as Folk unconditionally. Sadly, the worst part is that there's nothing I can do about it.

Love
Federica
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
federica
04 December 2010 @ 10:22 pm
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Current Location: my heart
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
 
 
federica
12 November 2010 @ 11:24 pm



BEAT BULLYING
Everyone could be better than that. Everyone could be a hero. So do the right thing and save a life.
 
 
Current Location: my mind
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed